Awhile ago I made the difficult choice of not going on a mission. It came in a very sacred and personal way, but I felt like I need to share my story:
I had one year left of school, and I would be turning 21 within a year. In deciding what I was going to do with my life I thought I should pray about a mission. I've never had the desire to go, my patriarchal blessing says nothings about it, and the thought of going scared me to death. But I thought I should ask if it was God's will and if He wanted me to go, I would.
So I prayed. The answer I received was something I didn't expect- "ask me later." I was confused as to why He wouldn't tell me now, and I soon I found out. In October 2012 President Monson announced the age change for missionaries. As all my friends began to announce their decision to serve, I felt that this was when I needed to pray again, so I did. I didn't really receive an answer, so I kept praying, and waiting, and the pull for missionaries grew. I sat in the background feeling confused. Why didn't I have the desire to serve? Why hasn't Heavenly Father told me that's what I needed to do? The apostles said that young women were not obligated to serve, and I knew that, but I felt like a lot of people didn't. I felt pressured. People asked if I planned on going. I was single and almost done with my degree. Everything pointed in that direction. Why wouldn't I go? I had a strong testimony and the desire to bring others to the gospel. I reread my patriarchal blessing and my answer came.
I had a mission, but I was not to be called and set apart. I was not to receive a name tag and travel hundreds to thousands of miles away for 18 months. My mission was the temple. My mission was not to bring people to baptism, but rather to the temple; to receive celestial blessings and to be sealed with their families forever. I had already been called and set apart in Heaven. My name tag was engraven in my spirit. It would be a lifetime calling. My mission was different and that was okay.
I felt peace, I felt comfort, and more than ever I felt the desire to serve in the way I was supposed to serve. I have yet to go through the temple, and I don't attend as well as I should, but I realize now that everything I have ever done has lead me to this point (especially the prompting to receive my degree in the field of marriage and family).
I still struggle with the decision from time to time and have to remind myself of the answer and path that I feel is right for me. Recently I heard a quote from Sister Dalton saying that "returned missionaries make some of the best mothers." This really hit home to me and I had a hard time with feeling that this choice I made would deny my children certain blessings motherhood could bring. And others telling me that those who have served missions are so much more faithful, making me feel like my own testimony would struggle because of this decision.
No. There are other means by which I can learn to be a great mother, strengthen my testimony, and gain blessings. Don't let others tell you that decisions you have made with the guidance of the Spirit will deny you blessings and opportunities. To the sisters who have received similar answers, we will all be great mothers, we will all maintain our strong testimonies, and we will continue to be directed by the spirit. If you have felt that a mission isn't right for you, that is okay. I urge you to find what your mission is and strive to fulfill your potential that way.
